From the recording A Day At the Beach

We've all had one of those days when we are sitting on the beach and then suddenly we see it.  The old man in speedos!  I know it's happened to you because it's happened to a lot of friends of mine.  You'll just be sitting there minding your own business and then before you even realize it, he appears.  He hangs out on every beach.  Don't matter if you are east coast or west, he's there.  This song is just a little encounter I had one day.  A sad but true tale that I hope brings comfort to you.  A reminder that you are not alone. 


I was sitting on the beach one day
The sky was clear and blue
I used my hand to block the sun
As this man came into view
His skin was red
His head was bald
His chest hair full and gray
Canvas laceless tennis shoes
And to me he did say
Girls love old men in speedos
Pass by beefcakes and guidos
Girls love old men in speedos
Weak hearts strong libidos
He shook my hand
And rubbed his head
And sat down next to me
He talked about the good old days
In 1963
I couldn’t hear
My mind went blank
I couldn’t help but stare
Have you ever seen an old man
In bikini underwear
By this time I was feeling sick
Hair grew out his ear
I opened up my cooler
And I offered him root beer
I smiled as a girl walked by
She looked down at his pants
I thought that I could make her mine
But I never got the chance